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Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Disconnected...

It's raining outside.  Ordinarily, I love this weather.  I like to lie on my bed, snuggled up in one of grandma's quilts, and watch the drops from my window.  I love listening to the rumble of thunder while reading a favorite book. I live for these days. They are my favorites. 

Today it's just gray, cold and wet.  God has created a perfect setting for the way I'm feeling.  

My teenager started off the morning by being difficult and making me late for work.  I had just about let that go when I received the call that my uncle had passed away.  Besides the worry for my aunt, I began to really think about death. I thought about when my mom and I found my stepfather on the couch, after the heart attack in his sleep.  I thought about the aging family members I have, and all their health problems.  I thought about my great-grandfather who was no longer in his right mind after a traumatizing assault, and who eventually ended his own life.  

I thought I would be fine staying at work for the day.  An hour later, I was on my way home...in tears.  

I'm not even sure what I'm feeling...other than the incessant throbbing from a splitting headache.  I should take a nap, but that requires going home.  And home is oppressive today.  

Instead, I'm sitting at the library with a laptop, attempting to write.  On the way over, I thought of so much to say.  Now words escape me.  

The only way to describe my thoughts today?  Disconnected...





 

  



1 comment:

  1. I think as we get older and experience death in our family it gets more real, closer! I know now that I am over 60 that I am on the 'other' side of my life...what a strange feeling. I see my Mom aging and wonder how long? Life is a circle but a hard one at times. I'm glad you have writing as an outlet. hugs, Linda

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