It's raining outside. Ordinarily, I love this weather. I like to lie on my bed, snuggled up in one of grandma's quilts, and watch the drops from my window. I love listening to the rumble of thunder while reading a favorite book. I live for these days. They are my favorites.
Today it's just gray, cold and wet. God has created a perfect setting for the way I'm feeling.
My teenager started off the morning by being difficult and making me late for work. I had just about let that go when I received the call that my uncle had passed away. Besides the worry for my aunt, I began to really think about death. I thought about when my mom and I found my stepfather on the couch, after the heart attack in his sleep. I thought about the aging family members I have, and all their health problems. I thought about my great-grandfather who was no longer in his right mind after a traumatizing assault, and who eventually ended his own life.
I thought I would be fine staying at work for the day. An hour later, I was on my way home...in tears.
I'm not even sure what I'm feeling...other than the incessant throbbing from a splitting headache. I should take a nap, but that requires going home. And home is oppressive today.
Instead, I'm sitting at the library with a laptop, attempting to write. On the way over, I thought of so much to say. Now words escape me.
The only way to describe my thoughts today? Disconnected...