Showing posts from June, 2013

Another day with depression...

Depression is such a monster.  It sucks all the joy out of life.  Right now mine is at an all-time high. I would have told you even a few weeks ago that this was 2nd or 3rd in severity.  I've had several really horrible episodes in my life.  I think this one tops them all.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Depression clouds your judgement.  You can't remember ever giving up hope like this or feeling so horrible.  But I DO know that I'm still a person somewhere in there.  When friends turn away I hurt.  When my family rolls their eyes at me it stings.  When people say "pray it away" or "pick yourself up by the bootstraps" and I CAN'T it makes me feel even more worthless.  To those of you who love me through it, you are amazing.  You are the only reason I keep breathing.  I'm not exaggerating.  When my faith is so shattered I can't see God through the darkness, you keep me holding on until the fog clears a little.  When I feel like there is nothing left …

What's the Point

Disclaimer:  Depressing post alert!!!What is the point of getting up?  I don't have anyone to haul around right now, which is nice.  But it makes me realize my only purpose in life lately has been driving teenagers around.  How lame am I?I should go volunteer.  I should work harder to find a job.  I'm going back to sleep.  What's the point anyway really?  Yes, the depression is high today. It always is on a Monday.  Weekends are better.  It's easier to forget that I'm nothing when my husband doesn't get up and leave for his job.  But Monday rolls around and he goes back to work...I will get through this!  But right now I need a nap.

I'm "OVER" It!

Hello, my name is Heather.

I am an overthinker. 

There should be support groups for people like me.  Unfortunately, they would never get off the ground because the planners would sit around for years overthinking it.  Just imagine:

What would we call it?  How should we advertise?  What location should we use?  Oh that one is too complicated to find.  Wait, that location wouldn't have sufficient parking.  We can't do it on that day of the month because some elementary schools have their PTA meetings then.  Would we have snacks?  Who would bring them?  What if a participant signs up to bring something then doesn't make it?  Who would be the backup?  What if a tsunami hits during a meeting?  What if a purple elephant escapes the zoo, runs across the city to the exact location of the meeting, tramples through a wall and eats all the snacks?!

Well, you get the idea.  This is my brain...ALL THE TIME!!!

It makes everyday life a huge, overwhelming chore. 

What should I wear today?…

Excellent article about understanding depression

New Way of Thinking

Sometimes I don't write for weeks at a time.  Then sometimes I post two in one day.  I'm unpredictible like that. So I was talking to a friend on Facebook the other day.  She said something pretty profound that has been making me think a lot.  I tend to think way too much, so this isn't a newsflash...but anyway...She told me she once read a book by a Catholic author I'm not sure of...but he outlined something that changed my friend's life.  He said to maximize our potential we must feed 4 areas daily: spiritual, physical, intellectual, and relational.  Each area is just as important as the others.  My mind was already overcomplicating things, but my friend stressed the importance of keeping it simple.  She even has a backup plan for those days she's just too tired.  If she planned to read her Bible she has the backup of listening to a devotional podcast.  One day relational may be as simple as an encouraging text.  The point is to plan these areas and be intent…

Faithful to My Rambling

I had this brilliant idea to start a blog about depression and ADHD.  It's great in theory, but I find it difficult to box myself in that way.  Some days I'm overwhelmed and feel the depression strongly.  Other days I'm frustrated in my scatterbrained ADHD ways.  Yet other days I just feel the need to write something fun and silly...or something about faith. 

The point is that I'd have to start several different blogs to keep up with all that...and I can't keep up with that many.  So I'm sticking with be it. 

I know I should be more focused, but I'm just not.  So I'm remaining faithful to my rambling out loud blog.

I'd think it might be a problem...if I had more than like 5 readers anyway...

Love you guys!