Thursday, February 23, 2012

When God Goes Beyond Calling....

There are times that God calls us for something...

And then there are times He shoves us into the deep end...headfirst...kicking and screaming all the way! 

I am currently a supervisor to a staff of six.  As of March 1, I am going to be a supervisor to a staff of thirty!   I wasn't asked.  I wasn't offered the choice.  I was told this is what I was going to do.

And I was terrified....not of the position, but of myself not being ready...

I gave them reasons why I wasn't enough.
They countered with reasons why I was.
I whined.
They smiled.
I said there are too many different personalities there and they might not like me.
They said they thought I was great with everyone.
I said I didn't have the skills.
They said they knew I did.
I said "I don't want to"
They said "too bad"

So I panicked!
I thought of every "what if" in the book...
I created a huge wall I'd never be able to climb...heck, I created the Great Wall of China!
But everyone around me seemed to have faith...
They were confident I could do it...
They began congratulating me...

What if they are wrong?  I love that staff...I used to work there in a different position and I know how amazing they are...but what if it's too big for me to handle?

I asked God "WHY???"

And then I realized what He was doing.  He didn't give me a choice because He knows me so well.  I almost didn't take the position I'm in right now...I was so scared.  I had turned down one already but they kept coming at I said I'd take the next one if He opened that door...and He did.  It has been amazing.  I have learned and grown so much!  I'm learning confidence.  Yes, it's still a struggle, but I've come SOOO far!  I still don't feel like I'm finished here, but I don't know that I ever would...there will always be one more thing to do, especially in my line of work...

I find it interesting that just when I'm starting to feel like I'm not totally clueless, He chooses to move me.  Maybe that's how He's growing me?  Maybe...just maybe, He has better planned for me...something I can't even imagine for myself.  Or maybe it will be rough but I'm going to touch a certain person...or learn something I wouldn't get anywhere else...maybe all of the above?  Maybe He's breaking me out of my comfort zone so I am forced to rely on Him?

So He didn't let me choose.  He said, "BAM!  Do this!" 
He knew I'd let my fears of inadequacy get in the way, and He was having none of it! 
And God being God, He did what He had to...but He still reached out and gave me encouragers to ease my fears...

I had an anxiety attack.
Then I let my emotions take over and I cried like a baby.
But then I let it go...and every time it starts overwhelming me again, I consciously let it go once more...

I'm not sure what He has in mind, but I know without a doubt I'm where He wants me.  He shoved me into that deep end, kicking and screaming, but I'm ok with it.  I am holding onto God's life preserver with everything I have!!!! 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalms 46:10

Ok, God.  Bring it!  I can do anything with YOU!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Phillipians 4:13