Rambling Out Loud

Lately I've been thinking about regrets. Maybe it's because I'm halfway to ninety and life is going by quickly. Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis. Or maybe God is just moving. Regardless of the reasons, these are some things from my heart.  Around ten years ago a great friend who had been with me through many years and some tough times got married. We had both been through breakups and supported one another through single parenting. I babysat for her preschoolers. She helped with my anxious teenager. We laughed (a lot) and sometimes cried together.  Eventually she met a man that was perfect for her, and a decade later (give or take) they are still going strong. One of my biggest regrets is not going to their wedding. My excuse was illness, but the truth was more complicated.  I would love to say it was my depression and anxiety, and that may have been a small part of it. However, when you strip it down the truth is ugly. I was jealous. In retrospect, I think she...

Early Friday morning, Nov. 4, I received a call that my daddy had gone to be with Jesus. Obviously, my emotions have been going crazy.  I should have spent more time with him, I wish Alyssa had made those butterscotch cupcakes for him sooner, etc.  I guess no matter when it happened, we will always have those regrets. He called me Thursday night.  We chatted about how busy I've been, etc.  I told him I missed him and that we had to get together soon.  My last words to him were, "I love you."  At least I can feel peace about that. I will never again get to tease him about being old, fight with him about his psycho cat, watch sci-fi movies with him, get annoyed when he gets onto us about texting too much, or discuss traditional vs modern music in church. I will never again get to eat his homemade ice cream, gang up on him with my stepmom, or get a daddy hug. I know he's with Jesus.  I know his legs don't hurt anymore.  I know he's happy and ...