Rambling Out Loud

Lately I've been thinking a lot about my mortality. Turning 45 reminded me that I'm halfway to 90, and it made me question what I've done with my life so far. Things didn't happen the way I thought they would. I didn't end up in the career I pictured or with the person that I thought was "the one". I don't have the money I hoped to at this point in my life. I haven't traveled around the world or even seen the Grand Canyon. To be honest, this all makes me a little sad (except the husband part..I'm very blessed).  But there always seems to be another bill to pay or another illness to treat, and dreams get pushed aside for another year. I start thinking maybe my life has been a waste. What if I never finish that book? What if I never travel? What if I die tomorrow? Even being a Christian I think it is so hard for us to process an eternity mindset. Sure, I know I'm going to heaven, but I'm not ready to give up the flesh. I still want to...

On my commute I have a lot of time to think, and one of the things that I've been pondering in my car is a slower pace of life. I think about when people would sit on their porches with lemonade and just talk to each other. I imagine a game of Scrabble or checkers or chess while watching the world go by.  No phones. No social media. No marathoning Netflix.  Just friends, family, and conversation.  I used to think that quietly sitting on the porch would be the most boring waste of an afternoon, but now I'm beginning to think they were on to something. Our life is so fast-paced now. Work, school, social events, sporting events, church, lessons, grocery shopping, cleaning, and the list goes on... I long to just sit in silence and companionship.  Oh, I'm good at sitting still with my phone. Sometimes I will lounge on my bed and glance up to realize I've sat there for two hours flipping through Facebook and Pinterest. How much of my life am I wasting on this dev...

Then you will know that I am the Lord ; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.  Isaiah 49:23b I've decided that for this week's blog hop in  Proverb's 31 "A Confident Heart" Study , I will "unpack" Isaiah 49:23b.  See:  Verse Mapping   I considered all the other topics, but since doubt and depression are huge issues for me I didn't feel ready to write about them.  Maybe I will get there...f or now, Isaiah 49:23b.   The first thing I did was personalize... Then  Heather will know that I am the Lord; when Heather hopes in me she will not be disappointed. I need to remind myself that He speaks directly to me through His word.  Next I thought about the word "know".   It doesn't say Heather will speculate or guess or think...it says "know".  That is tough for me.  I want no doubts.  I want to be sure with everything in me that He is Lord and what He says is true.  Theoretically I get it...

And we are off on a new adventure... As some of you know, I am jumping into an online study for the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope. You should check it out!   Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies Anywhoo...I've struggled with low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-loathing, and any other negative self-whatever-you-can-think-of for as long as I can remember.  I drive myself (and often everyone else around me) crazy with it. I am begging and screaming and praying that God will use this to heal some seriously broken junk within me....not through my power but HIS. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 Actually, God tells us that in his Word MANY times...so I'm holding on to that truth for dear life! Please keep me in your prayers as I delve into this head first.  Thanks.  Love you!