Rambling Out Loud

Early Friday morning, Nov. 4, I received a call that my daddy had gone to be with Jesus. Obviously, my emotions have been going crazy.  I should have spent more time with him, I wish Alyssa had made those butterscotch cupcakes for him sooner, etc.  I guess no matter when it happened, we will always have those regrets. He called me Thursday night.  We chatted about how busy I've been, etc.  I told him I missed him and that we had to get together soon.  My last words to him were, "I love you."  At least I can feel peace about that. I will never again get to tease him about being old, fight with him about his psycho cat, watch sci-fi movies with him, get annoyed when he gets onto us about texting too much, or discuss traditional vs modern music in church. I will never again get to eat his homemade ice cream, gang up on him with my stepmom, or get a daddy hug. I know he's with Jesus.  I know his legs don't hurt anymore.  I know he's happy and ...

It's raining outside.  Ordinarily, I love this weather.  I like to lie on my bed, snuggled up in one of grandma's quilts, and watch the drops from my window.  I love listening to the rumble of thunder while reading a favorite book. I live for these days. They are my favorites.  Today it's just gray, cold and wet.  God has created a perfect setting for the way I'm feeling.   My teenager started off the morning by being difficult and making me late for work.  I had just about let that go when I received the call that my uncle had passed away.  Besides the worry for my aunt, I began to really think about death. I thought about when my mom and I found my stepfather on the couch, after the heart attack in his sleep.  I thought about the aging family members I have, and all their health problems.  I thought about my great-grandfather who was no longer in his right mind after a traumatizing assault, and who eventually ended his own life. ...