tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89404762815470792212024-03-12T22:57:38.083-05:00Rambling Out LoudMy little corner of the web to ramble aimlessly...Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-35923327916331896712019-11-27T20:02:00.001-06:002019-11-27T20:02:20.652-06:00Yoda Baby (Tune of Santa Baby)Yoda baby, slip an ewok under the tree for me<br />
Been a-one with the force<br />
Yoda baby, and hurry to my planet tonight<br />
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Yoda baby, a lightsaber that glows when I fight, for light<br />
I'll wait up for those ears<br />
Yoda baby, so hurry to my planet tonight<br />
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Think of all the fights I missed<br />
Think of all the jawas that I haven't kissed<br />
Next year I could be just as good<br />
If you'll check off my Star Wars list!<br />
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Yoda baby, I want a ship so I can go on a trip<br />
Been a jedi all year<br />
Yoda baby, so hurry to my planet tonight<br />
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Yoda honey, one thing that I really do need, the deed<br />
To a carbonite mine<br />
Yoda baby, so hurry to my planet tonight<br />
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Yoda cutie, send a message through my r2-d2<br />
Need some hope that is new<br />
Yoda cutie so hurry to my planet tonight<br />
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Come and teach these padawan<br />
If you need it ask for help from Obi-Wan<br />
I really am one with the force<br />
But the best you still are of course<br />
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Yoda baby, and stay away from Anakin too,<br />
Please do<br />
Darkness I sense in him<br />
Yoda baby, so hurry to my planet tonight<br />
Hurry to my planet, tonight<br />
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-55733905090801514822018-08-10T20:30:00.001-05:002018-08-10T21:05:43.153-05:00Google Map Song <div dir="ltr">
While driving to buy supplies for our upcoming training at <u>work</u> I missed an exit...and this song was born! (ADHD brain...what can I say?)</div>
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Google Map Song (Tune of "Total Eclipse of the Heart")</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI-Vhv4wRL2N_bQlU2KufEOdV7qdiE0U6ZugiYj5pVuOJxd6IM7FfGvEUc_0TximgLXNKaqgxp8e7ubC6bGC9mbwvZEH9JYc-rcek8uKRDPH1Zx6q8BeE9R5jX2H58IwBOzPpVlcgqQqWt/s1600/adult-blur-close-up-556964.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1134" data-original-width="1600" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI-Vhv4wRL2N_bQlU2KufEOdV7qdiE0U6ZugiYj5pVuOJxd6IM7FfGvEUc_0TximgLXNKaqgxp8e7ubC6bGC9mbwvZEH9JYc-rcek8uKRDPH1Zx6q8BeE9R5jX2H58IwBOzPpVlcgqQqWt/s320/adult-blur-close-up-556964.jpg" width="320" /></a>Turn around <br />
every now and then I get all up in my head and then I miss the exit that I need<br />
Turn around<br />
Every now and then I have to circle right back to where I was and then I'm lost again<br />
Turn around<br />
Every now and then I have to pull the car over so that I can figure out where I am<br />
Turn around<br />
Every now and then I get a little bit nervous cuz I'm lost and in the worst part of town<br />
Turn around lost soul<br />
This is when I need my Google Maps<br />
Turn around lost soul<br />
This is when I need my Google Maps<br />
And I need you now tonight<br />
And I need you more than ever<br />
And if you only lead the way<br />
I can navigate forever<br />
And we'll only be driving it right<br />
Cuz we'll never steer wrong together <br />
We can drive it to the end of the line<br />
Your satellite it knows where I am all of the time<br />
I don't know what to do <br />
Forever turning wrong<br />
You always help me out and so I'm singing this song<br />
I really need you tonight<br />
Directions gonna start tonight<br />
Directions gonna start to-night<br />
Once upon a time I was wandering lost <br />
Now you guide me when I push start<br />
Cuz of what you do<br />
Google you are in my heart</div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-10133949817405569882018-07-22T18:08:00.002-05:002018-07-22T18:13:08.587-05:00Eternity Mindset<span style="font-size: large;">Lately I've been thinking a lot about my mortality. Turning 45 reminded me that I'm halfway to 90, and it made me question what I've done with my life so far. Things didn't happen the way I thought they would. I didn't end up in the career I pictured or with the person that I thought was "the one". I don't have the money I hoped to at this point in my life. I haven't traveled around the world or even seen the Grand Canyon. To be honest, this all makes me a little sad (except the husband part..I'm very blessed). </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But there always seems to be another bill to pay or another illness to treat, and dreams get pushed aside for another year. I start thinking maybe my life has been a waste. What if I never finish that book? What if I never travel? What if I die tomorrow?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even being a Christian I think it is so hard for us to process an eternity mindset. Sure, I know I'm going to heaven, but I'm not ready to give up the flesh. I still want to see other countries and leave my mark on this world in the form of a book I've had published or something. I want my name to be somewhere that people will remember me. Today when listening to the sermon at church I realized a few things. One thing is that the universe is decaying. When you think of it that way and you realize that this Earth will not even be here forever then it doesn't seem so bad if your name doesn't go down in history. This is such a millisecond in time. When this Earth is gone, we will be living our blessed eternity with Jesus. If we can just escape that feeling of having to hold on to this world so hard we will realize that a kingdom mindset will produce fruit that goes with us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">If I lived in a home that I knew was going to be demolished tomorrow I wouldn't spend any time decorating the walls or leaving my mark. I would pack up what I could take with me. Money that I have invested in the house by remodeling or painting or gardening are things I may have enjoyed at the time, but they won't go with me. They stay in that house and they go down with it. Anything I work for in this earth that does not have to do with the kingdom will be destroyed and go down with the ship so to speak. But those things that I have invested in God's Kingdom will go with me. The friends that I've witnessed to or brought to church and they heard the gospel for the first time...that homeless person I showed kindness to that planted a seed..the pregnant teenager I loved and accepted that finally has a church family for the first time ever. Those are the real treasures that can go with us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">There is a difference between knowing something and really feeling it in your soul. Today was a turning point in my spirit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">We are headed for chaos and disorder. I am thankful my Jesus made a way for me to live forever in peace with him when the world is no more. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="crossverse" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: 700; text-align: justify;">Isaiah 51:6</span><br style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Lift up your eyes to the heavens, and look at the earth below; for the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment, and its people will die like gnats. But My salvation will last forever, and My righteousness will never fail.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="crossverse" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: 700; text-align: justify;">Mark 13:31</span><br style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="p" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span><span class="crossverse" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: 700; text-align: justify;">Luke 21:33</span><br style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;">Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away.</span></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="p" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 13px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span><span class="crossverse" style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: 700; text-align: justify;">2 Peter 3:10</span><br style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: justify;" /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;">But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar, the elements will be dissolved in the fire, and the earth and its works will not be found.</span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-family: "arimo" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: justify;"><b>1 John 2:17</b></span></i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.</i></span></span><br />
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-9905273765446252572018-06-29T17:09:00.001-05:002018-06-29T17:09:13.318-05:00Front Porch Sittin' and Slowing it all Down<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On my commute I have a lot of time to think, and one of the things that I've been pondering in my car is a slower pace of life. I think about when people would sit on their porches with lemonade and just talk to each other. I imagine a game of Scrabble or checkers or chess while watching the world go by. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">No phones. No social media. No marathoning Netflix. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just friends, family, and conversation. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I used to think that quietly sitting on the porch would be the most boring waste of an afternoon, but now I'm beginning to think they were on to something. Our life is so fast-paced now. Work, school, social events, sporting events, church, lessons, grocery shopping, cleaning, and the list goes on...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I long to just sit in silence and companionship. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oh, I'm good at sitting still with my phone. Sometimes I will lounge on my bed and glance up to realize I've sat there for two hours flipping through Facebook and Pinterest. How much of my life am I wasting on this device? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On the flip side, while driving to work it sure does make a nice place to jot down my notes via voice messaging or audio recorder. If I need to look something up on the spot, Google is a lifesaver. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But what what am I sacrificing if I don't learn to put it down and walk away for a while? What moments in life have I missed out on because I was too busy with my head screwed into a tiny computer with a touch screen? Was there a laugh I missed or an inside joke or something funny the dog did? Could I have met a friend at a coffee shop and spent two hours visiting and connecting? Could my husband and I have played a game of chess like we did on our honeymoon when, as a result of beginner's luck, I actually beat him? How many days have I been riled up over something I saw on Facebook that really shook my day? How many days would I have been blissfully unaware had I not been screwed into social media? I'm not saying that we shouldn't watch the news or be informed, but I do think we are relentlessly bombarded with negativity. There is a difference between being aware of something and being inundated with it daily and hourly and even by the minute sometimes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I watched a comedy video recently about a support group for "woke" people. The meeting was a typical support group circle where the members were so concerned with being offended by everything that they could not enjoy life...or even get through a group meeting effectively. This seems to be a trend directly related to the availability and sheer magnitude of the online age. The skit was a joke, but there is a lot of truth to it. I don't remember people being so offended by everything before it was all in our faces so much. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As with anything, it is about balance. I do not feel like I need to throw away the cell phone, but I do think I need to put some controls on it. When I get home tonight I need to silence it and not look at it for a while. I don't want to leave Facebook altogether because I have some great Bible studies and groups on there. And I think those are healthy to a point...but even that becomes too much if I use it as a substitute for real connection. A Bible study online is great, but not if I don't ever walk away from the phone and actually spend time in the word with my Father. God is found in quiet contemplation and the reading of his word and spending time in worship...not in a Facebook group. The people I love will not be here forever. I will not be here forever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Turn off the phone. Relax with a lemonade. Play a game with your family. Stop letting everything offend you. Go meet that neighbor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Maybe it's because I'm getting older, but front porch sittin' sounds pretty good to me...well, maybe in October it will anyway...</span><br />
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-18047012957568588662018-06-23T12:25:00.000-05:002018-06-23T12:31:18.965-05:00Regrets...Part One<span style="font-size: large;">Lately I've been thinking about regrets. Maybe it's because I'm halfway to ninety and life is going by quickly. Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis. Or maybe God is just moving. Regardless of the reasons, these are some things from my heart. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Around ten years ago a great friend who had been with me through many years and some tough times got married. We had both been through breakups and supported one another through single parenting. I babysat for her preschoolers. She helped with my anxious teenager. We laughed (a lot) and sometimes cried together. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Eventually she met a man that was perfect for her, and a decade later (give or take) they are still going strong. One of my biggest regrets is not going to their wedding. My excuse was illness, but the truth was more complicated. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I would love to say it was my depression and anxiety, and that may have been a small part of it. However, when you strip it down the truth is ugly. I was jealous. In retrospect, I think she knew. Our relationship changed afterwards and was never the same. She is still my friend, but we were never as close again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My self-esteem was so low the thought of watching a happy couple exchange vows made me sick to my stomach. I remember crying on my bed and asking God why he loved her more than me. Why didn't I deserve someone too? At times I screamed my hate at my Father who created me. I begged for him to strike me down because I could not stand the thought of getting out of bed again. She never knew the depth of self-loathing and pain in my heart, although she had to see some of it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">This is much more difficult to write than I realized. As I read my own words I am appalled at myself. How could I do that to such a great friend? Why could I not get out of my own head long enough to wish them well? How could I not see the blessings in my own life? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The reason is simple but painful. I was a complete mess, and I am not proud of those years. In fact, it hurts to remember the darkness I lived in for most of my life. Because when I really think about it I realize I was this way throughout my childhood. There were moments of happiness, but the cloud was always hovering above. At any second, the storm would burst forth and I would be curled in the fetal position wishing for death. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Friends, I'm not exaggerating and that scares me. I lived in a torturous cycle of mistakes followed by self-loathing followed by fear and then repeat. I now realize running in circles is counterproductive, but at the time I was far too sick to jump off the hamster wheel. I was wearing blinders and could only see the path in front of my face, not the much healthier roads off to either side. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I ruminated on how much of a failure I was because I did not have many close friends. They say God doesn't make junk, but I figured they must be wrong in my case. That was why nobody stayed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Of course, I never realized how uncomfortable I was to be around. People can feel misery and self-loathing, and those are not pleasant characteristics in a friend. Even in that, there were still a few of the faithful who stuck by my side as long as possible. I am thankful. I am sorry. I appreciate all you did...even though it may have looked like I was too selfish to care. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have finally forgiven myself for that and many other things. I</span><span style="font-size: large;">n order to be fully transparent, sometimes I still feel myself drifting down that road. Thankfully, I have grown and am now more able to change direction instead of running head-first down the path of destruction. My relationship with Jesus has healed me so much, and he is not done with me yet!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So I write this for you, my friend. You did so much to lighten the darkness in my world. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I was selfish and messed up. You already knew that. </span><span style="font-size: large;">What you may not know is how much I regret missing such an important day in your life. You were such a wonderful friend to me, and I did not deserve you. Please forgive me. </span></div>
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-12163318563612789722018-06-22T16:52:00.001-05:002018-06-22T16:52:53.711-05:00Turning on the Faucet<span style="font-size: large;">I've been thinking about writing a book for most of my life. It keeps changing in my head. Sometimes it is fiction. Sometimes it is a children's book. Sometimes it is Christian non-fiction. Sometimes it is so jumbled and strange it doesn't fit into a category...and this explains why I have yet to write a book! </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My brain is like a laptop with too many tabs open on the browser. There is so much going on it's hard for the processor to catch up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">However, I think I finally have a direction for the moment. I recently decided that the only way to get there is to focus on one idea and finish it. This is easier said than done, as I am easily distracted. Some days I feel like I have so much to say, but once I sit down at the laptop my mind goes blank. Writer's block? Complete terror? I'm not sure, but it is frustrating. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">In an effort to force myself to write no matter what, I am setting a goal to write every day. I am putting it on the blog for my own form of accountability. It is there. It is published on the web. Hopefully I will gain accountability partners out there that will call me out. I need that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My book will be about struggles I've faced and how God has grown me through them. I know I don't have all the answers, but maybe my journey can help someone else. In the past, it was different. I wanted to write for my own selfish purposes. This time I feel the tug of God to get this out of me. Plus there are a group of ladies at my church who are following my progress. They are my cheerleaders. They believe in me when I don't believe in myself, and I am thankful. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am also dedicating myself to writing on this blog at least once per week. In the past it has been a sort-of online journal...just me rambling...and there may still be some of that because I'm me. I would like to do more with it in the future. I'm waiting for more direction, but I do know I have to start typing and let the words out. Thank you for the few that read and follow me. I'd love to see this grow eventually, but I also know I have to put in some work and consistency for that to happen. Please pray for me as I begin to get more serious about my writing. </span><br />
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<br />Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-64573420423544102662017-12-24T20:50:00.001-06:002017-12-24T21:01:43.134-06:00Traditions and Transitions...When my daughter was little we had so many Christmas traditions. We made ornaments together. We loved baking and decorating cookies. We always drove around to see the Christmas lights, and we always listened to the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Classic-Christmas-Billy-Gilman/dp/B00138J79I/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1514170795&sr=8-1&keywords=billy+gilman+christmas+cd" target="_blank">Billy Gilman Christmas CD</a>. (It’s one of the best…look it up)<br />
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My mother started a tradition when I was a baby of giving me a new ornament every year so that when I grew up I’d have my own start. We kept that going with my daughter but went a step further. Everything on our tree is handmade or was a gift. We have spent many nights together with friends painting plaster and wooden ornaments. My husband sculpts some great sculpey ornaments and I paint them. And when we decorated the tree, Alyssa had to be the one to put the Christmas Spider on the branches near the top, in a place of honor.<br />
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If you don't know the Legend of the Christmas Spider, here you go!<br />
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A few years ago, I remarried and welcomed two more daughters into the family. They noticed right away how many ornaments had Alyssa’s name on them, so my husband and I began making new ornaments for all three girls. Each year brings a few new ornaments with Alyssa, Kayla, and Mich on them.
Last year things began to change. My middle daughter moved away, taking all her ornaments with her. Though we still had the other two, we were no longer all together. The spider was gone. Her ornaments were gone. Her childhood was over.The shiny holiday had a dull film over it all.<br />
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This year Alyssa is back, but it isn’t the same. It changes when they move out. Even if they return it never goes back to the way it was before…for you or for them. I guess that is life and probably as it should be. They grow up and move out and start their own lives.<br />
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This holiday season has been one of transition for me. We always made a big deal about decorating the tree. We brought out all the ornaments, played Christmas music, and drank hot chocolate. My husband would sit and watch the rest of us, but he would make jokes and get us all laughing. My youngest stepdaughter never really got into the decorating, but she would join us for the required amount of time. There was still a spirit of family and humorous acceptance of our parental cheesiness.
This one was a bit of a disaster. My aunt left the room due to chaos and noise. One daughter thought the almost bare tree was fine. One sat with a group of friends and barely noticed what was happening. One said she had already done her part. And the spirit of family just wasn't there...
We forced it, and that just does not work with adult children. Nobody enjoyed that. So that got me thinking of how to deal with all the changes.<br />
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I miss my baby. I miss the excitement on Christmas morning. I miss the innocence. I miss the cookie decorating and having a child that was thrilled to make ornaments with her mommy.
I am thankful. I am blessed. I know that. It is a time of change though. I'm having to learn new ways to do things.
I was depressed at first and still have moments, but then I thought of Ecclesiastes 3:1-8<br />
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<i>There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens: </i><br />
<i>2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot, </i><br />
<i>3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build, </i><br />
<i>4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance, </i><br />
<i>5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, </i><br />
<i>6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away, </i><br />
<i>7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak, </i><br />
<i>8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace. </i><br />
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I have had my time with young children and teenagers. Now it is time to have my time with young adults.<br />
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Hold your little ones close. They grow up WAY too fast! <br />
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And let me borrow your babies once in a while :)Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-36285002019349927422017-05-28T18:37:00.000-05:002017-05-28T18:37:39.714-05:00The "Gaps" in Childhood**This is not exactly great writing...just my heart. Thanks for reading!**<br /><br />
As I was browsing Facebook I saw some pictures posted by a family I know. Looking at their happy faces, it made me think of the children I serve that live in poverty. I know that may seem strange, but education is a passion for me.<br />
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My mind drifted to the thirty-million word gap the majority of children in poverty bring with them to kindergarten.<br />
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Here's a good place to start if you are interested:<br />
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https://www.aft.org/sites/default/files/periodicals/TheEarlyCatastrophe.pdf<br />
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I then began to think of all the other gaps with children in poverty, and the reality is that these gaps add up and end up more of an ocean.<br />
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There is an experience gap. Many children from lower socioeconomic backgrounds never leave their county. Put those children next to the ones who have been to the Grand Canyon and Disney and museums and various other places. One child may have been to Europe last summer, and the other watched cartoons. I'm not even sure how you could quantify the differences in experience between the two. One has tried new foods, flown on a plane, experienced a different culture, visited landmarks and learned some history, and countless others. The other sat at home.<br />
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This adds up. By the time they enter public school, one child has lived a lifetime in experiences compared to another. When children are learning new words, think of the concepts one child would know over another. One has seen an airplane in the sky. The other flew in one. One has never heard of Van Goh. One has seen his paintings in person. One has never heard of a violin. One has been to the symphony. One has never heard of a toucan. The other has seen that and many more at the zoo. There is no comparison. <br />
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There is also an enrichment gap. Dance, sports, art, and music lessons are commonplace among wealthier children but are out of reach for many children in poverty. When parents struggle to keep food on the table and electricity in the house, dance lessons are not in the budget. Imagine not only the basic dance skills learned, but all that comes with it. Vocabulary is expanded by learning the names of the moves, new connections are formed in the brain by learning to move the body various ways, physicality is improved, teamwork and dedication are emphasized. The child experiences the thrill of performing for an audience. They are encouraged to keep trying to learn new dances and techniques. Self-confidence grows. Meanwhile, that child in poverty plays on an iPad all evening or watches TV.<br />
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I also think of the stress gap. By that I mean think of the stress a child in poverty faces compared to the wealthier child. If you grew up in wealth you knew dinner would always be there. You knew you had school supplies. You knew when August rolled around you would go school shopping. You knew if you had a fundraiser at school your parents would help you out. If there was an upcoming field trip, you knew your parents would send you the money.<br />
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Children in working class or poor families see those things as luxuries. This is a constant stress on a child. And there is no escape. In a family with more resources vacations are common. That is not the case in a struggling family. Vacations cost money, so there is never a break from the stress. <br />
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There are so many instances of this. Children of wealth tend to eat healthier, play outside more, and get more regular medical care. They can afford the good shoes so their feet don't hurt. They can have salads and fruit when the other mom buys ramen because it's cheap. They have yards and safer playgrounds. Many kids in poverty live in places where it is unsafe to play outside. <br />
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I know some kids in the world have it worse, and this isn't about them. <br />
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I don't know why this is on my mind so much, but it's been bothering me. If your children are blessed with these advantages they are already ahead of the curve. Please don't be quick to judge a child that isn't blessed with as much.Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-19438550666474250132017-04-25T09:08:00.001-05:002017-04-25T09:08:41.161-05:00Tales from a Restroom Stall...<p dir="ltr">You know, it's funny how God works. Sometimes he can take the simplest moment to drive home a point.</p>
<p dir="ltr">This is not very glamorous, but yesterday I went to the restroom as we all do. I glanced down to make sure there was toilet paper before doing the deed. This is something I have learned the hard way in the past.</p>
<p dir="ltr">All was going as planned until that moment of tragic realization... though there was toilet paper, four squares would never be enough. If you have ever experienced the horror you will understand. </p>
<p dir="ltr">To make matters worse, I did not bring my phone. I was on a school campus with a small staff. Without the ability to get up, I had a lot of time to think. I calculated the probability that someone would enter in a timely fashion, and it was a little discouraging to realize it might be an eternity before someone else entered and was able to assist. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The restroom at this school is off in a dark corner of isolation. Ordinarily, I appreciate the location as it offers privacy. I now see another side to that logic. I could yell and bang the wall, but it still might be a long time before someone would hear my call for help. I was stranded and without options. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I thought of those emergency wipes in my purse, bought for times such as this. I remember thinking they were going to come in handy one day. This would have been that day had I remembered to bring the purse.</p>
<p dir="ltr">After contemplating the universe for unknown hours... or maybe a minute... I reached out to God and said, " Lord, give me an idea here."</p>
<p dir="ltr">As I spoke to the heavens I glanced up in that direction. Lo and behold, there was a glorious roll of spare toilet paper sitting on the top of the stall. </p>
<p dir="ltr">While I had been sitting around focusing on my "crappy" situation I neglected to look up. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Epiphany. </p>
<p dir="ltr">How many times does this happen in our lives? We walk through the day with blinders on to the bigger picture. More specifically, we fail to see what God is already doing for us. There may be a solution right in front of us...or directly above...if we just take a second to look around. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Whatever you are going through may be difficult. You feel as though you are alone in a corner where nobody will hear your cry for help, but God knows. He sees you. He hears you. Look up. Look around. Take off the blinders. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And grab your purse with the wipes next time you head to the restroom...<br><br></p>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-28130053337089761122017-02-25T23:01:00.000-06:002017-02-25T23:01:13.001-06:00That Weird Kid<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Everyone went to school with at least one weird kid. In
third grade, the one that stands out for me was the girl who told everyone she
was the princess of Saturn. Sadly, her planet was going through an
intergalactic war, and she was sent to Earth for her safety. She missed her
planet so much, but she was able to stay in touch with her people through the
communicator hidden in her Holly Hobby lunchbox. Nobody else could see it
though. It only worked for her. She put her jacket over her head after her ham
and cheese to enter the zone. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlPJsNXAVwQ4DFFD2mh2En2-E26DpnUxWmDFKsNSlF5RqDv_qGE12pfWGfKdKk4mcvxDrZiXHqU1VxXjAq2Y-nGwv_SDYnNeXW8lYs9bIwMaMzSOzr_ZLEu9FXs5EY7g9dg0O1h_GnHqUe/s1600/enhanced-buzz-25573-1367443867-15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlPJsNXAVwQ4DFFD2mh2En2-E26DpnUxWmDFKsNSlF5RqDv_qGE12pfWGfKdKk4mcvxDrZiXHqU1VxXjAq2Y-nGwv_SDYnNeXW8lYs9bIwMaMzSOzr_ZLEu9FXs5EY7g9dg0O1h_GnHqUe/s320/enhanced-buzz-25573-1367443867-15.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>The
rest of the class loved the stories about Saturnia, her capitol city. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They longed to go with her to visit so they
could see the beautiful rings and witness multiple moons. Her stories of the
rocky horizon views were breathtaking. The palace sounded like such a magical
place, and the advanced technology they used in their spacecrafts was
mind-boggling. Her teenage brother was busy fighting the aggressors from
Neptune. He loved his little sister, but he worried about her constantly. After
their father had been killed in a bombing at the palace, her brother sent her
away. They were now orphans, and he was determined to protect her at any cost.
But she was homesick, and she spent much of her time in communication with her
world. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr1nMbRFAHr844RzSY_X2MlCvEaSqxvVvaMocqEtPUOqtZnk6mfcUTjJrBL9HgnXKE6ObFAblgdX4H4zxl568iCCROQPOk4jeE_nkcCy3fcx-1oqTpMZuhhJsGjfLYO6KZj-aWhu00NZ8x/s1600/index.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgr1nMbRFAHr844RzSY_X2MlCvEaSqxvVvaMocqEtPUOqtZnk6mfcUTjJrBL9HgnXKE6ObFAblgdX4H4zxl568iCCROQPOk4jeE_nkcCy3fcx-1oqTpMZuhhJsGjfLYO6KZj-aWhu00NZ8x/s1600/index.jpg" /></a></div>
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The other children laughed at
first, but she was so adamant about this being her reality that they soon began
to believe it…or at least they pretended well. She was so different from her
classmates that it almost made more sense for her to be alien than human. Looking
back, I think she had such a vivid imagination she almost believed it herself. People
develop funny ways of coping when they don’t fit in well.
</div>
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<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwDxNS-sV86DHD-V66YYDoLfVRZaK6z4tvF5lkecskKwEYZBQxxK-GzWgXNSJ5yTnOhRYS3Gm0quYkUFuOMTchNd935sFk05PQ4fIs1iXRrQDQVUx6cAkz9JgG5z5y_PV91XRiogB-KgaB/s1600/e951688dc0b2fe8a2721e857776f6721.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwDxNS-sV86DHD-V66YYDoLfVRZaK6z4tvF5lkecskKwEYZBQxxK-GzWgXNSJ5yTnOhRYS3Gm0quYkUFuOMTchNd935sFk05PQ4fIs1iXRrQDQVUx6cAkz9JgG5z5y_PV91XRiogB-KgaB/s1600/e951688dc0b2fe8a2721e857776f6721.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"></span>I no
longer believe I’m the princess of Saturn, but I still exist on the fringes. Maybe
I was dropped on my head as an infant. Maybe I’m a freak of nature. Or maybe I’m
just wired a little bit different. In any case, I spent much of my elementary
years with my head in a lunchbox…or a book…or writing stories when I should have
been doing math. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few years ago, I met my soul mate. One of the things I love most about my husband is that he accepts me for me. He told me once he didn't love me "in spite of" my weirdness but "because of " it. Wow. </div>
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It just recently dawned on me that God sees us the same way. He doesn't say, "Heather is really strange, but I can use her in this anyway...I mean, hey, I AM God. I can even make something of THAT mess." No. I think he uses me BECAUSE of my weirdness. It's more like, "I can use Heather BECAUSE of her differences." After all, he made me. He knows me inside and out. He knows the good. He knows the bad. And he loves me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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How awesome is that? I still don't always claim to know what he's thinking...in fact, most of the time I have no clue. But I do know he made me for a purpose. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if my nerdy interest in sci-fi is the only reason someone becomes friends with me, and that leads them to Christ? What if my creativity led to a gift for someone who was about to give up hope? What if my imagination inspired someone else? What if NONE of it ever makes sense? That's ok. God knows more than me anyway. So I choose to embrace my madness. Live long and prosper!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_48YIW6vl9Fcr4qcfjbAePjkIDaA8JHWlPolNtze56DmQQ38SjmJtC-s3E2GKv3KMG9WEmSGIi6vdFLkqWpr2joULvR28p7wBr1qFQVa2-z8T3u237fd4gaWyjofkkC0oGVFZoToES5j/s1600/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb_48YIW6vl9Fcr4qcfjbAePjkIDaA8JHWlPolNtze56DmQQ38SjmJtC-s3E2GKv3KMG9WEmSGIi6vdFLkqWpr2joULvR28p7wBr1qFQVa2-z8T3u237fd4gaWyjofkkC0oGVFZoToES5j/s320/original.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-12028719025886146462014-01-27T09:06:00.000-06:002014-01-27T09:24:10.229-06:00The Beginning of a Journey...through Photoshop!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've been working on learning photography the past couple of years. Lately, I've been wondering what original art I could create with Photoshop. Somewhere along the way, Alyssa (my daughter), was also bitten by the photography bug. She took the picture, and the editing is mine. I wanted to make sure and give her credit for an amazing shot to work with! I had some too, but this was just the right "feel"...if that makes sense...<br /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoEVJOYBcLLc7AIaSynIkl6oax7Hh6qCR83aCf3vjC-HhflpKFOGN7sjlHTcIJ6h6dFGJFjSVrmD_LwPnbY9C5fhsdp8XPYT_7rqdRb7u1UWkhKNeo5V5ZDyf66ACDrAJgpu9UqzksgO3/s1600/IMG_2505-1+copymist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYoEVJOYBcLLc7AIaSynIkl6oax7Hh6qCR83aCf3vjC-HhflpKFOGN7sjlHTcIJ6h6dFGJFjSVrmD_LwPnbY9C5fhsdp8XPYT_7rqdRb7u1UWkhKNeo5V5ZDyf66ACDrAJgpu9UqzksgO3/s1600/IMG_2505-1+copymist.jpg" height="640" width="426" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Yes, it is rather dark. No, I am not going to start sacrificing puppies to the gods of chaos. I just happen to like fantasy and think this is incredibly cool.<br />
<br />
Oh and by the way, isn't Brittany beautiful?! (One of my stepdaughters)Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-32391160760699084142013-12-27T14:50:00.000-06:002013-12-27T14:50:52.462-06:00Ponderings of a Self-Proclaimed Wallflower...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’m forty and have been wondering all my life where I fit
into this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Never really a social butterfly, yet not quite an outcast…something
of a loner who often still longs for the company of a friend…never popular but
not really unpopular either…always looking for my niche but never belonging
fully to any group…</div>
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<br /></div>
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I am a wallflower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am a Hazel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am an observer in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(If you got both of those
references, I love you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If not, read “Perks
of Being a Wallflower” by Stephen Chbosky and “The Fault in Our Stars” by John
Green.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do it. I don't care that you are an adult and they are technically written for young adults.)</div>
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<br /></div>
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But I don’t want to be an observer…</div>
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I want to be an extrovert, always the life of the
party.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I want to be the artistic soul who creates beautiful art and
music and poetry.</div>
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I want to be the intellectual everyone listens to for their
sage wisdom.</div>
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I want to make a mark in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be remembered.</div>
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But I am an observer.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Observers see things others miss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Observers find meaning and look for connections.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Observers see both sides and have trouble choosing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Observers see life from the outside in, never fully becoming
a part of it all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Observers catch intimate moments and angry looks and rolling
eyes.</div>
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I am an observer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People forget observers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we move away you don’t miss us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When your lives get busy, you don’t think about us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you call the group to go out for drinks our names don’t
come up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not that you don’t like us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Often you do…but we are so good at blending
into the wallpaper that when we are gone it doesn’t feel that different.</div>
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It isn’t your fault.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thank you for trying.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I am an observer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I have tried to change, but I am me.</div>
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I will never be one who commands attention.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will never be the life of the party.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nobody may ever read much of what I write.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>But a handful of
people know and love me deeply, and maybe I just need to be ok with that.</div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-88668725822871116302013-11-13T15:36:00.000-06:002013-11-13T15:36:29.220-06:00Frustration<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span> <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">This didn't go the way I thought it would. I started this poem with a different goal in mind, but it ended up here. It's a compilation of things people say to me in my depression before they walk away. Eventually, most people do walk away. Depression drains the victim, their family, and their friends. It sucks for everyone. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Frustration</b></u></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Pray some more</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Try this pill</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Find your joy</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Must be God’s will</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Pick yourself up</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Just push through</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Make it happen</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It’s all on you</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Take a class</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Make a friend</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Distract yourself </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And it will end</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Fake a smile</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We all get sad</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Snap out of it </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Or I’ll get mad</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It never stops</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I can’t get through</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No matter what</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I say to you</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have no words</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I see no end</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">And so I walk away</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My friend</span></div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-24645913175998716652013-10-28T09:56:00.001-05:002013-10-28T13:28:03.702-05:00The Blue Screen of Death<p>My laptop is about to die...because I'm about to hurl it through a window...</p>
<p>Ok not really, but it IS irritating the heck out of me. I keep facing the blue screen of death. Sure, it reboots and works again, but I never know when the next crash will occur. </p>
<p>So I'm typing away on a droid touchscreen phone...good times. I'm praying a factory reset will restore my laptop's sanity! </p>
<p>Now I'm off to do laundry...because THAT is how exciting I am. Was there a purpose to this? Not really, but this IS my place to ramble out loud...<br>
</p>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-20230331436319224492013-10-24T11:32:00.001-05:002013-10-24T11:35:11.109-05:00Priceless Love<span style="font-size: large;">I almost didn't participate in the blog hop this week. I struggle with depression, and today isn't great. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">That's just the reason I figured I should go for it! It may be short, but I will push through this. I will at least share what God has showed me this week...</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYST3xuHXTdlMyaSTc8udNliWTnG0yn2VPiVAbzUNK6zEk_qiWbvIMc8h64BCkaMVrRBd6X-O7l-a6qQ9KmqBQIPCKGPoqsSSUXs0rcTwjYiMFM3ySj-uRuMu9FQxTq-9t_0GVANJp3m6r/s1600/IMG_20131023_083947.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYST3xuHXTdlMyaSTc8udNliWTnG0yn2VPiVAbzUNK6zEk_qiWbvIMc8h64BCkaMVrRBd6X-O7l-a6qQ9KmqBQIPCKGPoqsSSUXs0rcTwjYiMFM3ySj-uRuMu9FQxTq-9t_0GVANJp3m6r/s320/IMG_20131023_083947.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">This book keeps touching me in many ways, but this part stopped me in my tracks. It hit me so hard I actually had to go back and read it again....and tweet about it...and post about it on Facebook. This is me, every second of every day. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't even know where to start:</span></div>
<ul><span style="font-size: large;">
</span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>I like my house until I see how much nicer everyone else's is...and then I realize I'm not providing enough for my family.</em></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>I am proud of my children, but when they make mistakes I feel like I wasn't a good enough parent.</em></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>I love my lifegroup (small group at church), but I see how they all have more willpower and success and money than me...so I feel like a huge loser. </em></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>I enjoy writing my blog, but since I don't much of a following sometimes I want to give up. </em></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>Everyone says I am pretty decent at photography, but then I see how amazing others are and realize I will never measure up.</em></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span></li>
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>
</em></span>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><em>I love my husband, but I don't feel like I'm a good enough wife to him.</em></span></div>
</li>
<li><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">I'm struggling to find the right job, so I am a failure in my career.</span></em></div>
</li>
<span style="font-size: large;">
</span><span style="font-size: large;">
</span></ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I could go on all day...you get the idea.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I default to self-loathing. I'm stuck on that setting. It's like auto-correct on your phone that always goes straight to the same word. In my case, that word is "loser". </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Sometimes it makes me work harder and harder to please others or get a promotion or have more people read my blog or whatever...other times I just want to give up. It's exhausting, and I feel like I will never measure up. Because the truth is, if I'm basing my worth on things or titles or people I never will! </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If I get that job I can call myself a _______. Then I will be enough.</span></em></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If I get _______ followers on my blog I can call myself a writer. Then I will be enough.</span></em></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If my kids graduate with honors from college and get that perfect job, then I will be enough.</span></em></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If I manage to keep the house perfectly clean and arrange my furniture a certain way and decorate like a magazine picture, then I will be enough.</span></em></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-size: large;">If I get a better house and stick to a better eating plan and workout more and make more money and and and....then I will be enough.</span></em></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Guess what? My job will never be enough. I will always want to improve myself. I will always want to keep knowing more people are interested in my words. My kids will always do their own thing and make their own choices. No matter how new my furniture is, once we live in it a few weeks there will always be something better out there. There will always be someone skinnier. There will always be a bigger house. There will always be others that will be "more" than me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">God's love is priceless. He loves me no matter what. The problem is that I can't seem to love myself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have to learn that I am worthy because GOD SAYS I AM. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">And if I can't receive that and let it be enough, nothing else ever will be...</span></div>
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-53578402065671025022013-10-17T09:08:00.000-05:002013-10-17T09:10:50.987-05:00Unpacking a Verse: Isaiah 49:23b <em><span class="text Isa-49-23">Then you will know that I am the <span class="small-caps" style="font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span>;<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18660E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span><br /><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks"> </span><span class="text Isa-49-23">those who hope<sup class="crossreference" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-18660F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> in me will not be disappointed. Isaiah 49:23b</span></span></em><br />
<em><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span></em><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">I've decided that for this week's blog hop in <a href="http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/2013/10/17/a-confident-heart-blog-hop-week-1/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+P31OnlineBibleStudies+%28P31+Online+Bible+Studies%29" target="_blank">Proverb's 31 "A Confident Heart" Study</a>, I will "unpack" Isaiah 49:23b. See: </span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"><a href="http://heatherbleier.com/2012/06/13/a-day-with-jesus/" target="_blank">Verse Mapping</a> </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">I considered all the other topics, but since doubt and depression are huge issues for me I didn't feel ready to write about them. Maybe I will get there...f</span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">or now, Isaiah 49:23b.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"> </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">The first thing I did was personalize...</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">Then <em>Heather</em> will know that I am the Lord; when <em>Heather</em> hopes in me she will not be disappointed.</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">I need to remind myself that He speaks directly to me through His word. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">Next I thought about the word "know". It doesn't say Heather will speculate or guess or think...it says "know". </span></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">That is tough for me. I want no doubts. I want to be sure with everything in me that He is Lord and what He says is true. Theoretically I get it, but I still question Him all the time. And then it hit me...He is assuring me that I will know. I will get there. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">But the next part of the verse speaks to that. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"><em>Those who hope in me will not be disappointed.</em></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"><em></em></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">When <em>Heather</em> hopes in me she will not be disappointed. </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">According to <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hope" target="_blank">Merriam-Webster</a>, "hope" means...</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"><em>: to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true</em></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">So if <em>Heather</em> wants to know He is the Lord and thinks it could be true she will not be disappointed! </span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">If I want to "know" and think it can happen it will.</span></span><br />
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<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">Lord, please help me grow closer to you each day. Give me such a thirst for you that I make the time to spend with you each day, regardless of anything else going on around me. Give me the faith to hang on when I feel uncertain and lead me to a place where I have no doubts. Remind me that my feelings can be deceptive, and I can choose to believe even when I don't "feel" it. Thank you, Lord, for what you have already done in me! And thank you for what is to come!</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23">This makes me think of a song that speaks to my desire to know Him more so I thought I'd share. Be blessed and thank you for reading!</span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"></span></span><br />
<span class="indent-1"><span class="text Isa-49-23"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD9xdDNX_hk" target="_blank">"Desert Soul" by Rend Collective</a></span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-1200020225022002002013-10-13T16:17:00.000-05:002013-10-13T16:17:15.075-05:00Excited NewbieAnd we are off on a new adventure...<br />
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As some of you know, I am jumping into an online study for the book "A Confident Heart" by Renee Swope.<br />
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You should check it out! <a href="http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/current-study/" target="_blank">Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies</a><br />
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Anywhoo...I've struggled with low self-esteem, self-doubt, self-loathing, and any other negative self-whatever-you-can-think-of for as long as I can remember. I drive myself (and often everyone else around me) crazy with it.<br />
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I am begging and screaming and praying that God will use this to heal some seriously broken junk within me....not through my power but HIS.<br />
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<span class="text Matt-19-26" id="en-NIV-23789"><em>Jesus looked at them and said, <span class="woj">“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26</span></em></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-19-26"><em><span class="woj"></span></em></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-19-26"><span class="woj">Actually, God tells us that in his Word MANY times...so I'm holding on to that truth for dear life!</span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-19-26"><span class="woj"></span></span><br />
<span class="text Matt-19-26"><span class="woj">Please keep me in your prayers as I delve into this head first. Thanks. Love you!</span></span><br />
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Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-2386144943681652162013-10-11T13:29:00.000-05:002013-10-11T13:32:27.890-05:00Because life is just hard...Life is hard. Not “my life is hard” or “your life is hard”. Life is just hard.<br />
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I know it may not be an epiphany for some of you, but this is where I work out the thoughts in my head. Hear me out. <br />
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Last night, I watched the Glee episode where they said goodbye to Finn. The actor, Cory Monteith, died from a deadly combination of heroin and alcohol. He had gone to rehab more than once, but addiction ultimately claimed his life. He was only 31. He was rich and famous and had a beautiful girlfriend (some rumors say fiancée). His story is one of a kid who got wrapped up in drugs, dropped out of school and was headed nowhere. In a “rags to riches” story straight out of Hollywood, the kid without a future auditioned for a role on Glee and made it. He didn’t get a little bit part either. Cory’s character, Finn Hudson, was the core of the group. In fact, I’d say Finn was what made Glee great. He was the dopey jock that actually cared about people. He was the nice kid that just needed a little encouragement to stand up for his fellow man. He was the cute football player that actually cared enough about the dorky drama chick to go out with her, regardless of what his friends thought. He was that guy you couldn’t hate for his success because he was just so darn sweet. He was the guy who gave you hope when you felt like an outcast. I loved Finn for all that. I loved Cory because he seemed like a genuine nice guy to everyone.<br />
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None of that was enough. I think about the struggle he must have fought within himself. I think about how much self-loathing he must have felt when he picked up a bottle or a needle, knowing his girlfriend and family believed he was healing. I think of how he may have felt knowing the whole world was talking about his addiction. I think about the pressure celebrities are under. I think of a sad soul who destroyed his life. Because life is hard.<br />
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I read a blog post today from a missionary in Cambodia who helps victims of sex trafficking. It broke my heart. I thought about all those broken people living in slavery, subjected to horrible situations. I thought about a culture where it’s ok to sell your daughter to feed the rest of the family. I thought of girls who volunteer to prostitute themselves to help out. I thought of government officials and police who overlook things because girls aren’t valuable enough to care about. Because life is hard.<br />
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Then I thought about my stepmother who died last week, our dog that died Monday, and the fact that I’m still waiting for a job. I remembered crying together as a family. I remembered my ongoing struggle with depression. Because life is hard.<br />
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When I get down and feel that emptiness inside, people tell me to focus on my blessings. They remind me of how much worse my life could be, and I get it. The problem isn’t just me. I am broken for this world. I can’t wrap my head around someone that takes joy in hurting another person. I hate thinking about “how much worse” life can be because I weep for this fallen world. <br />
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The victim of sex trafficking.<br />
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The child who is forced into the army.<br />
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The girl with the smile on her face that is contemplating suicide.<br />
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The homeless person sleeping under a bridge.<br />
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The loner who has been bullied and is scared to walk into school.<br />
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The weird kid who has trouble making friends.<br />
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The rape victim who is disowned by her family.<br />
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The rich kid who has money but is ignored by his parents.<br />
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And I could go on…<br />
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The point is that hearing how much better I have it than others makes me incredibly sad. It also makes me realize that it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live. Life is hard. There will always be someone who appears to have it better or worse, but they struggle too. You may not see it, but everyone is dealing with something. So try to understand and be a little nicer to each other…<br />
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If this world is so messed up why are we here? I have contemplated that and prayed about it. We spend years and money and talents searching for our purpose, but I believe it is simple. <br />
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We are NOT here to criticize, abuse, and cast stones. We are not here to beat people over the head with legalistic doctrine. We are here to be a light in the darkness. We are here to be Jesus to a lost world. We are here to be living examples of His love. <br />
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<em>For you were once darkness, but now you are the light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)and find out what pleases the Lord. Ephesians 5:8-10</em><br />
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<em>“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16<br /><br />“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40<br /><br />You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. 2 Corinthians 3:2-3</em><br />
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If we know Him we are blessed beyond what can be seen in this life. This is not my home. <br />
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<em>"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." John 14:1-7</em><br />
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<em>Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18</em><br />
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This world is a mission field, and I am a visitor. Thank you, God! The more I remember that and look to Jesus, the more peace I will have while I am here. <br />
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<em><span class="text Mark-16-15" id="en-NIV-24889"><i>He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation." Mark 16:15</i></span></em><br />
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<em>Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14</em><br />
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<em>Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34</em><br />
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Because life is just plain hard, but God's got this!<br />
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<em>I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18</em></div>
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<em>And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28</em></div>
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So I choose to look to Jesus for my hope and comfort. He makes this hard life bearable...and I am so thankful my future is not in this world. :)</div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-27631859846978493132013-10-02T11:56:00.001-05:002013-10-02T11:56:27.845-05:00The faith of a mustard seed...
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been hiding in my room a lot the past few days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tend to do that when life gets
overwhelming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may not be the
healthiest way to cope, but it works as long as I don’t stay there too long. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Introverted by nature, sometimes I just have
to step away from everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listen to inspirational music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And sometimes I just sleep…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yesterday my stepmother went to be with Jesus.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I’m in one of those phases today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will be ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I just need some alone time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One positive that comes from me hiding out is I tend to
write more, and writing is therapeutic for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today I am in a weird place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m hiding out, but I’m restless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Having exhausted all the usual mind-numbing habits (checking facebook,
flipping through channels, etc) I decided to open the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realize that should be the first thing I do,
not the last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, today it just is
what it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve had it next to me on
the bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have looked at it several
times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just haven’t brought myself to
open it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why do I do that to myself? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not angry at God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not being lazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Well, I am being lazy, but not about that…)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what then?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Something I read in “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope keeps
coming back to mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said “He’s led
me beyond believing <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in Him</i> to really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">believing Him</i> by relying on the power of
His words and living like they are true no matter what my feelings tell me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
read that a few days ago, but I can’t let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It struck a powerful chord in me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that is why I have such a hard time
reading the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is why I make
progress in my walk but slide back downhill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I struggle daily to believe Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I believe IN HIM, but that isn’t the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I believe in a lot of people, but I don't necessarily believe what comes out of their mouths. Belief in a person just means they exist. I believe Hitler existed, but I certainly don't believe in the things he said. I believe in the existence of politicians, but yeah....you get the point...</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">But Jesus...now there is someone I should have no doubts about! </span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean just think about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus made some pretty powerful
promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So why do I live in fear and
doubt?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It boils down to a faith
problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I am praying for faith.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be secure in the knowledge that my
Father’s got this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want turning to God
to be as natural as breathing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to
kneel at the altar and KNOW that He hears me.</span></div>
<br /><span style="font-family: Calibri;">
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have
faith as small as a <b>mustard</b> <b>seed</b>, you can say to this mountain,
‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for
you.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Matthew 17:20<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lord, you know my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Open my eyes to your truth and give me the faith to believe everything
your Word tells me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grow my relationship
with you so that I recognize your voice above all others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Help me be secure and confident in you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you, Lord, for the changes you have
already made in me and the ones that are coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Jesus name I pray, Amen.</span></div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-19144346561883958232013-09-29T16:41:00.000-05:002013-09-29T16:41:25.150-05:00Dysfunctional Forgiveness
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This morning our pastor spoke on forgiveness. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I smugly sat there thinking I knew all about the topic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t sitting
there with an attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t being a
jerk and with arms folded and a sour expression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was honestly happy to be in the house of
God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I realized what the message
was about I remember thinking that we can all use a reminder to pray about
whatever cancers we are letting eat away at us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But God did not just show me a face or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was struck by a tsunami.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be honest, I’m not even sure I could
describe the flood of faces, names and emotions that were pouring through
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was overwhelmed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was broken. </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I say broken, I’m not exaggerating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was destroyed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears streamed down my face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a sobbing mess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried and snotted (calling it like it was) so
hard I had no choice but to make my way to the altar because that’s where the
tissues are located. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know my husband
loves me, but I thought he might frown at his sleeve being used as a Kleenex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding myself at the altar, I figured I
probably needed to go ahead and kneel for some Jesus time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m only half kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Truth be told, I was on autopilot at this
point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My emotions had taken over.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I cried out to God.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What was so different about this message?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could tell you before I went today that we
should all forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know revenge hurts
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know God calls us to pray for and
love our enemies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve even done some of
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t the part about forgiving
that broke me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the part about
what forgiveness is NOT that hit me to the core.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to discuss the main points that
really hit home to me this morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you want to dig further, please follow the link and watch the sermon from
9/29/13 (once it is uploaded).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
recommend it highly!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<a href="http://lpsermonvideos.com/"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://lpsermonvideos.com/</span></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Later in the sermon, pastor pointed out that forgiveness is
not overlooking, excusing, minimizing or taking blame for the wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then pointed out what forgiveness does
look like…but this part of the sermon is what knocked me over the head. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do all of those.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized my forgiveness is
dysfunctional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am a peacemaker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
nature is not one of conflict but of reconciliation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While this is not a bad thing, there are
times I let it turn me into a doormat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
am terrible about doing every one of those things.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh, it’s over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No
big deal.” (Overlooking)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hey, I know you were going through a lot.” (Excusing)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I probably overreacted.” “I know you didn’t mean to blah
blah.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Minimizing)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know I could have been more blah blah.” “It’s my fault.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Taking blame)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I go a step further.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realized today that I have refused to deal with serious
hurt because I never acknowledged the wrong that was done to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is difficult to explain, but I will share a few examples
God brought to mind:</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had a great position at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was nothing I’d get wealthy at, but it was
perfect for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was helping others
daily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt I was in line with my
calling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right after my father died and
my life was turned upside down for an emergency surgery, they “promoted” me…to
the one place I absolutely did NOT want to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I realized today I had never dealt with the anger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was so busy dealing with the stress and
mourning my other position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it
hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were confident in my ability,
so they refused to hear me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was exhausted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was not ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did not care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Looking back, they did me a grave
injustice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a rough time in that
new location and ended up requesting to step into another position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I turned it all inward and beat myself up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought of all the things I could have done
differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never just acknowledged the
wrong that was done to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After that, I was offered a “dream” position elsewhere that
turned into a nightmare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It did not end
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I had forgiven them, but
I haven’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What they did to me hurt my
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It sent me into a spiral of depression,
and it was just plain wrong. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t go into details, but I’m not the first
or last of their victims.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized
today that I need to seriously ask God for help with this one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m NOT over it, but I will no longer torture
myself about what I did wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THEY wronged ME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I need to let it go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But they are in the wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I acknowledge that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">There are many other examples that are too personal to share
at this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(Tsunami, remember?)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pastor said, “When you minimize the wrong you cheapen the
forgiveness.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus never made light of anyone’s sin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He just accepted it and forgave them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are to look to Jesus as our example.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m working on it…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Though details will stay at the altar, I am praying for God’s
healing and the ability to move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
see now that a lot of the blame I’ve been holding onto is not mine at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not healed, but I will be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am standing on God’s promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He will get me through this, and I will come
out stronger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-83307415232762775242013-07-26T16:04:00.000-05:002013-07-26T16:08:57.106-05:00Planting Seeds<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Recently, God has convicted me that I need to spend much
more time in His word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The challenge is
that I am not following someone else’s study. There is nothing wrong with
studies led by others, and in the future I have no problem doing them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I have been convicted that God wants to
speak to our hearts sometimes without being colored by another person’s
opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I am praying and letting Him
lead me in understanding.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why Ephesians?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not really sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may stem way back to
youth camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The focus one summer was
Ephesians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It must have been powerful
because I remember it, and there are actually very few things I remember
vividly:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dawson (Noswad) McAllister and the snot jokes</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bright yellow t-shirts</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some cute guy at Devil’s Bathtub (It was a rock
basin type thing…hey, I didn’t name it!)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The gum tree (kinda gross actually)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The wasps that were EVERYWHERE</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">COOKIE DOUGH (eaten while feigning a headache to
avoid sports I wasn’t into at all)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few pranks in the dorms (of course I was
completely innocent...hang on while I adjust my halo)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">An embarrassing moment at the pool where I
lifted my t shirt to show a counselor my swimsuit and flashed more than
intended…the only moment of my life I was thankful that the boys and girls
didn’t swim together </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Being down one evening and receiving a “smile,
Jesus loves you and so do I” note from a girl I didn’t know very well (yes, it
impacted me that much)</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Rededicating my life to Jesus and being shaken
to the core</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: Symbol; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Quiet time with God every morning</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">…and the book of Ephesians</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Youth leaders, keep it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They may seem like they don’t hear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They may drive you crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They
may put Vaseline on the toilet seat or weave dental floss throughout the bunks
at church camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They may be horrible to
one another at times.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">They may also have a tiny seed planted in their heart that
will grow into something beautiful years later.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now it is my turn. Hopefully I can plant a seed in someone's heart that will bless them almost thirty years later. How great is that?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></span></div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-73579079079292410702013-07-23T09:49:00.001-05:002013-07-23T09:49:36.978-05:00Kingdom Mindedness
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My heart is broken for this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is so much pain and hunger and fear and
injustice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s often difficult for me
to find a balance between caring and letting it all overwhelm me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe that is the reason missionaries and the
people they serve have been on my mind so much…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure how many of you know that I felt called to go
into missions when I was thirteen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over
the next few years, I convinced myself that it was just a “church camp high”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My logic was that there is no way God would
ever call ME.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Psh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who am I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nothing.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have gone back to this over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I feel the pull so strongly it threatens
to overwhelm me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get so frustrated by
the fact that I seem stuck where I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
cry out to God, “If you want me to go, then show me the way!!!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At other times it’s a gentle tug…somewhere in
the back of my mind I feel His presence urging me on to something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The closer to God I get, the harder it is to
ignore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What purpose could He have for the likes of me?</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have recently had a bit of an epiphany.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As Christians, we are ALL called to help others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is not specific to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I’m selfish because that bummed me
out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be special, but I’m just
like everyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is humbling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And maybe that’s what God needed me to see…</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am ordinary.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am nothing.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">HE IS EVERYTHING!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Think about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tend to have a lot of self doubt, but it’s NOT ABOUT
ME!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure I’d mess that job up, but
it’s NOT ABOUT ME!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no way I
have the qualifications/money/time/ability, but it’s NOT ABOUT ME!!! </span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pride is an issue for some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was sure that wasn’t my problem because I was always down on
myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But guess what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is EXACTLY my issue!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I beat myself up and think I’m not good
enough, I’m basically telling God “yeah, there’s no way you can make this
happen”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do I do that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because somewhere deep inside I think I have
to fix myself before I can do anything for God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I feel like I have to be “good enough” before I can be used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God doesn’t want me to fix myself and then
jump onto a pedestal of holiness!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
wants me to submit to Him now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Broken<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Depressed</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unworthy</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I am full of myself I am not full of Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stop and think about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I am full of myself I am not full of Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Negative thoughts of self are still thoughts
of self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I need to let God out of the box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It isn’t a specific job in a specific place I
should worry about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God wants me to help
others around me all the time, wherever I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s going from a ME mentality to a KINGDOM mentality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He may never send me to a mission in Africa
or Haiti or Costa Rica.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He may use me to
help a neighbor or a child or someone I may never know on a blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The term “missionary” should be wiped out of
Christian language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It divides us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We put them on a holy pedestal. Think about
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get stuck in that “us and them”
mentality!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate
what they are doing, and I love hearing about how God is moving around the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But God has called each and every
one of us to spread His love!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are ALL
called to be missionaries. He just has us in different fields. </span></div>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-33516809634488175242013-07-03T11:36:00.001-05:002013-07-03T11:36:47.653-05:00Average<p>An average day in an average place<br>
With an average wife and an average face<br>
An average house and an average car<br>
With an average wish on an average star<br>
An average job and an average wage</p>
<p>An average life in an average cage</p>
<p>An average school for an average goal<br>
An average depth to an average soul<br>
An average hope and an average plan<br>
An average day for an average man<br>
An average talent <br>
An average brain<br>
An average breath <br>
An average pain <br>
An average fear<br>
An average rage</p>
<p>An average life in an average cage.</p>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-20971042876240484902013-06-09T14:39:00.001-05:002013-06-09T14:39:55.564-05:00I'm "OVER" It!Hello, my name is Heather.<br />
<br />
I am an overthinker. <br />
<br />
There should be support groups for people like me. Unfortunately, they would never get off the ground because the planners would sit around for years overthinking it. <em></em>Just imagine:<br />
<em></em><br />
<em>What would we call it? How should we advertise? What location should we use? Oh that one is too complicated to find. Wait, that location wouldn't have sufficient parking. We can't do it on that day of the month because some elementary schools have their PTA meetings then. Would we have snacks? Who would bring them? What if a participant signs up to bring something then doesn't make it? Who would be the backup? What if a tsunami hits during a meeting? What if a purple elephant escapes the zoo, runs across the city to the exact location of the meeting, tramples through a wall and eats all the snacks?!</em><br />
<em></em><br />
Well, you get the idea. This is my brain...ALL THE TIME!!!<br />
<br />
It makes everyday life a huge, overwhelming chore. <br />
<br />
<em>What should I wear today? What should I eat? I have tons on the agenda, so which should I do first? What jobs should I apply for? Should I go for jobs I know would easily hire or really follow my dreams? What are my dreams? Would I have health insurance? Would I get sick and vacation time? Does it pay enough to be worth it? What about the commute? Maybe I should just take a nap...</em><br />
<em></em><br />
Decisions are a part of everyday life. Overthinking makes me crazy, but it is so difficult to stop doing. But I do not even stop there....<br />
<br />
I also look back and overthink the past. <br />
<br />
<em>What if I had made that decision instead? How could I have worked that out? What if I had worked harder? What if I had waited it out longer? What if I had held my mouth the right way on one foot while whistling a symphony?!</em><br />
<em></em><br />
While reflection can be a good thing, living in the land of "what-if's" is paralyzing. It keeps us from letting go and moving on. This is where I have been stuck lately. <br />
<br />
But the land of "what-if's" is NOT somewhere to stay long-term. It's like a rest stop on a road trip. You may need to pop in and take care of some business: use the restroom, refuel, maybe grab a snack. But you wouldn't want to pitch a tent and live there. We should keep that in mind while looking at the past. <br />
<em></em><br />
1) Use the restroom -<em> Get rid of the waste. What did I do wrong? Learn from it. Note to self, next time do it this way instead! Now FLUSH THAT CRAP! Stop thinking about it. It's gone. That's it. Wipe your figurative hiney and move on.</em><br />
<br />
2) Refuel - <em>When we go through stuff we get tired. Stress wears us out. We need to stop sometimes and refresh</em> <em>ourselves. A car cannot work without gasoline. Even an electric car needs to recharge the batteries. We are the same way. Take a break. Rest.</em> <em>Pray. Meditate. Do yoga. Whatever refreshes you, DO IT!</em><br />
<em></em><br />
3) Grab a snack - <em>Ok this is pushing the analogy, but there is a point to be made. Eating healthy leads to better health. Better health leads to clearer thinking. Clearer thinking enables one to make better decisions. Better decisions help us to be happier and not have as many instances of regret that make us look back and overthink the past! It's a circle! "Snacks" can also mean feeding our brain by continuing to learn. Both are helpful. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
Now the problem for me is DOING this. I can see that I need to, but I get so caught up in the overage that I often do not realize I'm there until the tornado in my head is at an F5! I know it is a habit that will take time to conquer. The only thing I can think of in the meantime is to ask for prayer. <br />
<br />
<em>Lord, I know I way overthink things. It is harmful to me. Please help me learn to review and let it go. Remind me to put it in YOUR hands. I know you have this. </em><br />
<em></em><br />
LET GO AND LET GOD!<br />
<br />
<br />
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8940476281547079221.post-72236080972517879322013-06-07T20:24:00.001-05:002013-06-07T20:33:05.736-05:00New Way of Thinking <p>Sometimes I don't write for weeks at a time.  Then sometimes I post two in one day.  I'm unpredictible like that. </p>
<p>So I was talking to a friend on Facebook the other day.  She said something pretty profound that has been making me think a lot.  I tend to think way too much, so this isn't a newsflash...but anyway...</p>
<p>She told me she once read a book by a Catholic author I'm not sure of...but he outlined something that changed my friend's life.  He said to maximize our potential we must feed 4 areas daily: spiritual, physical, intellectual, and relational.  Each area is just as important as the others.  </p>
<p>My mind was already overcomplicating things, but my friend stressed the importance of keeping it simple.  She even has a backup plan for those days she's just too tired.  If she planned to read her Bible she has the backup of listening to a devotional podcast.  One day relational may be as simple as an encouraging text.  The point is to plan these areas and be intentional about it.  <br>
I love this and am trying to implement it.  Physical is the hardest right now with my bad ankle, but that's an excuse.  I'm working on it!  I will try to write another day about my progress.  Prayers are appreciated!</p>
Rambling out loudhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05038293054191433587noreply@blogger.com0