Thursday, July 21, 2011

My Happy Place

I love Bay Area Park.  I think it's because it doesn't feel like Houston.  In fact, it's one place down here where I can go to escape traffic noise.  It has the feel of being off in the country, by a lake.

This place helped me maintain my sanity last year.  I spent most of my lunch breaks there....thinking, praying, writing, taking pictures...

It was my quiet place.  It still is.  There are times I go there just to get away.  

Bay Area Park does disappoint me though!  

These signs are posted everywhere:

Damn.  I REALLY wanted to agitate an alligator...and introduce him to my five pound chihuahua...

(By the way...being the Grammar Nazi I am, I must mention the incorrect word choice on the sign...if you see it too I love you!  I mean, really?  If the city pays for a sign you'd think they would have someone edit...)

Here's the crazy part...I was there once and saw someone letting their two dogs splash around in the water.  Now I'm not an expert, but I'm thinking that if the city takes the time to post these signs, there just might be alligators lurking somewhere.  

But maybe that's just me...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011


It's raining outside.  Ordinarily, I love this weather.  I like to lie on my bed, snuggled up in one of grandma's quilts, and watch the drops from my window.  I love listening to the rumble of thunder while reading a favorite book. I live for these days. They are my favorites. 

Today it's just gray, cold and wet.  God has created a perfect setting for the way I'm feeling.  

My teenager started off the morning by being difficult and making me late for work.  I had just about let that go when I received the call that my uncle had passed away.  Besides the worry for my aunt, I began to really think about death. I thought about when my mom and I found my stepfather on the couch, after the heart attack in his sleep.  I thought about the aging family members I have, and all their health problems.  I thought about my great-grandfather who was no longer in his right mind after a traumatizing assault, and who eventually ended his own life.  

I thought I would be fine staying at work for the day.  An hour later, I was on my way tears.  

I'm not even sure what I'm feeling...other than the incessant throbbing from a splitting headache.  I should take a nap, but that requires going home.  And home is oppressive today.  

Instead, I'm sitting at the library with a laptop, attempting to write.  On the way over, I thought of so much to say.  Now words escape me.  

The only way to describe my thoughts today?  Disconnected...



Monday, July 18, 2011

For the single ladies...

I wrote this a while back, but I think it's funny.  So I decided it needs to be on my blog!  Please take it with a grain of salt...I was being silly that day.  This is what happens when word nerds sit in drive-thru lines for long periods of time...

My intense frustration at my isolation
Is leading me to devastation. 
I need salvation in the form of adoration
From a man who won't be an irritation. 
I'd like to take a vacation in God's creation
With a man who will stop my desolation. 
I'll starve myself to emaciation to find a man in a high paying occupation
That will kiss me in the precipitation. 
The only problem with this approximation? 
It will surely lead to fornication!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Avoiding Church...

Another Sunday has come and gone...and I never made it to church...again.  Why do I have such a problem conforming?  Why can't I just make myself get up, go eat donuts, sing for exactly 20 minutes, listen to a sermon and then go to Luby's with the rest of the crowd?  Every week I say this one will be different.  I go to bed with the best intentions, and I even set my alarm.  I begin to head in to wake up my teenager...and then I stop.  I stay in my pajamas, grab something to eat, and get sidetracked.  Time seems to fly by...I look up and it's noon.  Poo.  I did it again.  So I firmly resolve that next week will be different, and the cycle begins again.

I love Jesus.  I really do.  I love most of the people...the ones that talk to me anyway.  Is it that I'm looking for a perfect church?  After sitting here thinking about this a lot today, I have come to the conclusion it's not church I'm opposed to but the idea of having to get ready for it.  It's having to take off my pajamas on a Sunday and actually GO somewhere.  Sad, but true.  

Why is that a bad thing?  I mean, isn't Sunday about rest?  So many people let the sun set on Sundays feeling more exhausted than before.  This seems counterproductive and not what God had in mind.  Just a theory though...

As in many things, I think it lies in balance.  Yes, I should go, but some people do need to learn that they can chill on Sunday.  Kick back with the family.  Enjoy life a little. 

Mixing up that church routine wouldn't hurt either.  How?  I don't know.  Start a creative arts ministry for teenagers and let them run the show once a month.  Have an all music service once in a while.  Meet at a park for worship one fall morning.  Have real testimonies.  Be real people.  Get out of your $150,000 house (or more) and see how the rest of the world lives.  Be open to having gay people at your church.  (Gasp!) Jesus loves them.  Why can't Christians?  That makes no sense.  How can a man having premarital sex with his girlfriend be accepted but not a lesbian?  They are both sinners...just like you and just like me.  

I have a hard time with church.  I know I'm supposed to be there for God, but all this bothers me.  Every time I turn around I hear someone talking about how church people are the worst.  They are the most judgmental and often very hateful.  It makes me sad.  

What's even more sad is that my teenager wants nothing to do with church youth groups.  She will go to Sunday morning service with me, but she really has no interest in her age group.  Having recently moved to Houston, she doesn't know anyone.  I told her she should go to make friends.  Her response?  "I don't want to make friends at church.  They don't understand me, and they don't accept people."  The sad part?  I can't really argue with it.  I tell her that she needs to focus on God and that there are serious ones there....she just has to be patient and she will find them.  

But I know how she feels...maybe there is a deeper reason for my church avoidance...

Getting all "blogged" down with decisions...

I finally bit the bullet and started a blog! This is something I've wanted to do for a while, but the process is overwhelming. On the surface, you might think it's a rather simple process. Pick a blog site, name your blog, apply a template. Done.

Anyone that knows me well at all will realize how much I struggle with making decisions. The tendency to over-analyze everything is a curse. (Note that the word "analyze" begins with "anal"...this is very appropriate)

Dilemma number one: What site do I use?
Being the lemming I am, I jumped off the cliff and followed my few blogging friends from Facebook.

The name was my second dilemma.
I thought of several overused sayings, awkward windows into my head, and titles suggested by friends. My math genius college friend does get props for his suggestion, "It's a Heatherful Life". Maybe down the road I will actually get good at this and use his creation. We shall see.

Being a very visual person, I was also stressed about how the blog would look. A little voice told me something profound though....
It said, "you can always change it later."

This led to an epiphany! I can change all of it later...or just create a new one.

I do believe "rambling out loud" totally sums it up.